‘Things that go Poop in the Night’

The day has come to an end. The sun has set, the birds are tucked away in their nests and everyone has a warm, full belly.  We’re all freshly washed and smell of calming lavender which marks the end of another day. Baby girl is tucked up in her cosy cot and her humidifier is humming quietly next to her. She easily dozes off, rubbing the fur of her teddies ear to gently soothe her to sleep. Ahhhh, ‘Me Time’’ starts now. 7pm, on the dot, every night. Another day as a mother is done.

 

This is the time when ‘most’ of us mothers can take a deep breathe, release it and sit to eat a decent meal – and perhaps even use cutlery instead of shoveling anything we manage to find into our faces with our fingers. Maybe even pour a wine or 2 and have an adult conversation with our spouses….or not!

 

I’m always in my pj’s at this time and thoroughly looking forward to zoning out in front of a good book or TV series after our dinner is done and put away.

I relax, get cosy, get dozy and unwind. We close down the house around 9.30-10pm. Yawning and content we turn off the lights, switch the heater to night mode, brush our pegs and quietly drag our tired bums into our bedroom to the snuggly vehicle that awaits us to take us to sleepyland…..

 

 

But wait, what’s that?

Is that the aroma of lavender blended with a hint of faeces?

Yes. Yes it is. The night pooper strikes again!

 

Every night this has been happening lately. Baby girl is poohing in her sleep. She’s saving them up all day and then, right when old mumma jugs is about to retire for the night, she locks and loads and ‘BOOM!’. She fires…

 

It’s an ordeal.

 

I have to change her without waking her up too much so she drifts back to sleep straight away. I have to be fully focussed, yet super calm. I have to do this with minimal lighting. I have to do this without smearing poop under my fingernails or getting it on her clothes. Sometimes I can do this stealthily but other times she wakes and mocks me by laughing at me.  If she wakes up fully, then I’m stuffed because then I can’t sleep and have to lie in bed and listen to her talking and moaning and winging until she falls asleep again. Which can take a while some nights.

 

My tummy gets all knotted up because just when there’s been enough silence to falsely elude me into thinking she’s fallen asleep, I slowly drift off… and then a sharp “Wahhhh” shocks me back into the land of the awake. My body jolts, my stomach lurches and my heart jumps out of my throat. Like I kind of get a mix between a real bad fright and a minor electric shock. Totally awake now, there’s no chance of falling easily into slumber.

 

Honestly, who poohs in the night? (scoff)

 

I know I shouldn’t complain of her going poop in the night. I’m well aware that some bubbas don’t even like going to sleep.

 

And I don’t all together dread it. Some nights when I’m on my origami pooh wiping missions in the dark (I say origami because, Oh My Lord, just how efficient can we mums be with those wet wipes? We can manipulate those wipes to just keep on wiping. Sometimes I even have a little competition with myself as to how many wipes I actually have to use to clean up a dirty bum. I think I’ve mastered it with two) Also, I secretly like it because I get to hold her so tightly. She gives the best cuddliest cuddles when she’s all dozy and half asleep.

 

In the dead of the night, when all is dark and quiet, this is when my heart sings the most and the mother-game in me is strong..

 

I hold her in the silence, nuzzle into her neck and take her allllll in.